I have just finished reading The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire. I was introduced to her podcast by my wife. I was drawn to her message that certain books have hurt marriages by their polluted messages.
I am at a point of my recovery that I now see how certain ideas were toxic and counterproductive. I was an avid reader of Every Mans Battle. It was the first book that I read when I first admitted that I had a sex addiction. I re-read it again 5 years later. It must have worn off because here I was in the same place again. The truth is that the book hindered my recovery. It led me to believe that all men struggled with lust because that’s how God wired us. One therapist that I saw because his credentials said that he specialized in sex addiction, pretty much told me the same thing. I was a man and I couldn’t help it. He quoted the Coolidge Effect, which was a reference to chickens. So like a dumb ass I go home and tell my wife this. Instead of helping her heal, I dumped more trauma on her.
I know without a doubt that God created us in his image and men are not wired to treat their wives like anything other than their equals. I applaud Sheila Wray Gregoire for standing up and saying no, that message is not what God intended for a healthy marriage.
So why is this message that all men are wired to look so prevalent? Why are men using this as an excuse to continue this abusive behavior? I don’t have the answer to these questions. I can only look back at my own abusive behaviors and see that they were influenced by this polluted message. I hope that other men can see how their behavior has been influenced by this message and see the pain that they have caused. While you can not go back and change the past you can live a life of freedom where you honor your wife as God designed us.