I have spent most of my life lying about things. I’m not sure when it all began, but it went hand in hand with my maladaptive coping skills. I believe that I lied to myself as much as I lied to everyone else. My lies fed my false beliefs and kept me emotionally stunted. I am not proud nor am I bragging about my ability to lie. I became so good at it that I could make things up in an instant. I chose a profession where my ability to make things up quickly was an asset.
I made a choice to live a life of honesty when I finally saw the hurt that I caused my wife. I firmly believe that my recovery did not start until I chose to tell the truth. It wasn’t easy to look at myself and see the the damage that I had caused my wife because of my lying. I fully own my lying and the trauma that it has caused my wife.
My recovery wasn’t easy and it took constant work, but I’m in a better place now. I choose to live a life of honesty because it is just easier and takes very little energy. I don’t have to remember what lie I told and the lie that I told to cover that lie.
Life is better for me now. If I make a mistake or fail to do something at work, I admit it and own it. I still catch myself saying silly things that aren’t true, but I stop myself and admit that I lied.