The definition of disillusioned is “having lost faith or trust in something formerly regarded as good or valuable”. I’ve been becoming more disillusioned with several sex addiction resources over the past few months.
I’m finding that prominent therapists who claim to support women through the betrayal model still promote the idea that relapse is part of recovery. Well-known CSAT’s who seem to be up-to-date on psychologically-based treatment for sex/porn addiction still say relapses are part of recovery or are common in recovery. I simply do not believe this is true. I considered sending emails, but I realize I will never change their mind. I’m disillusioned and discouraged.
I recently commented on the Covenant Eyes blog that relapse is abusive and absolutely not part of recovery. I was met with accusations of being judgmental, hurt, having unrealistic expectations of a recovering porn addict, and not understanding the brain science behind addiction. There were other comments of support and attempts of education on the abusiveness of porn addiction in marriage. It gave me hope that there are others out there who will tell the truth. Somehow my comments were misconstrued by some that I’m in pain because my husband is relapsing, which is far from the truth.
The reason I’m so passionate about the issue is because I know what’s possible in recovery. I know that it’s possible for a sex addict to stop acting out, including with porn, and not relapse. I know what it’s like to have a husband who doesn’t have to “bounce his eyes” because he now only has eyes for me. I know that change is possible and I don’t want any other woman to settle for less because she believes the lies that fewer relapses is as good as it gets. I am angry and I am hurt, but not because of my husband anymore. I’m angry and hurt for others who may never know the peace of recovery because others tell them it isn’t possible.