I have reached a point in my recovery where I am free of my addiction. I can look back and see with some clarity how I got here and why I am in a good place now. I stopped my acting out over a year and a half ago. Stopping was easy, I had done it many times before. Staying stopped was a whole different battle.
I had been like this for so long and it was familiar. What was different this time was what it did to my wife. I finally saw the price of my sex addiction and my wife was paying it. I could endure almost anything. I had hit rock bottom before, but my addiction always came back.
It wasn’t until I saw what it did to my wife that I finally made the choice to do whatever it took to help her heal. I would have sold my soul to the devil to trade places with her, but it just doesn’t work that way. I stopped because I saw the carnage that I had caused. I stopped because I saw the pain and trauma that I inflicted on my wife. My wife was not the same person anymore. My behavior destroyed the beautiful wonderful person that she was. She was going crazy and it was all my fault.
Stopping was just the beginning. I made major changes this time to stay stopped. I made new connections with a 12 step group. I found a CSAT that helped me resolve my childhood trauma. I read everything that I could find on sex addiction and betrayal trauma. I gave up my old life for a new healthier way of living that doesn’t lead to acting out.