I feel like it’s been extremely beneficial for me and our marriage that my husband has included me in his recovery. JP never believed in “stay on your side of the street”. I’ve never read about or heard another wife who said it was beneficial for her addict husband to work his recovery while leaving her in the dark.
It adds more trauma when the wife is told his recovery is none of her business. It’s frustrating when I read that wanting to be involved or ask questions makes a wife “controlling”. Who better to give feedback about the recovering addict’s progress than the person who lives with him and is most affected by the addiction? It breaks my heart when I hear about 12 step sponsors who don’t want wives “interfering” in recovery. I believe that my healing was helped by my husband’s willingness to share with me what he learned about himself and his addiction. We discuss his workbook answers, his therapy sessions, the books he reads, and anything else that pertains to his recovery journey. I discuss those things with him also. I’m welcome to go to therapy sessions with him and ask his CSAT questions. It has helped me to see that JP isn’t the monster that I thought he was. He wasn’t out to intentionally destroy my life, he was a hurting human who didn’t understand why he acted out. His behaviors still hurt me deeply, but I’ve gotten to know the “true” him as he’s gotten to know himself. We can talk openly now and have a deeper connection. That wouldn’t be possible if my husband believed it wasn’t my place to be involved in his recovery or give him feedback.