As I have progressed through my recovery I have become a different person. I have made changes in my life that have led to a healthier way of living. A little over a year ago I was tired of the way I was living and the trauma that I was causing my wife. I chose to stop watching all television. I got rid of all social media and limited my use of the internet. I didn’t know the long term affect that it would have on my recovery.
I had always watched TV and I didn’t think that there was anything wrong with it. It was always on in the background even when I wasn’t actively watching it. The long term affect of not watching TV is that I see things differently now. I firmly believe that by giving up television and social media I was able to reset my brain. I was putting unhealthy images in my head through my eyes. I was feeding my brain with not only sexualized images but with violent images. My brain needed it and looked for it. I became desensitized to things that should have bothered me. I became influenced by what society told me I needed. I am free of those unhealthy images and I see things differently now. I see people as people now and not as objects. I see my wife as the most beautiful woman in the world. My brain no longer looks for things to give it a hit. I do not have to surrender because I am free of the need for those unhealthy feelings.